


Three Days

by ohnoscarlett



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, currently; kind of spoilery for "Faith"--this is a mid-ep moment, un-beta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-29
Updated: 2006-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-01 15:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10924692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohnoscarlett/pseuds/ohnoscarlett
Summary: I totally owe the wonderfuljoyfulgirl41's  "It always seemed like a good idea at the time" (there's a link here somewhere, it tells me) for the inspiration to read Neruda.  Oh my god, I am totally Neruda's bitch right now.





	Three Days

**Author's Note:**

>   I totally owe the wonderful [](http://joyfulgirl41.livejournal.com/profile)[joyfulgirl41](http://joyfulgirl41.livejournal.com/)'s  "It always seemed like a good idea at the time" (there's a link here somewhere, it tells me) for the inspiration to read Neruda.  Oh my god, I am totally Neruda's bitch right now. 

Title: Three Days

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: none

Rating: gen

Warnings: un-beta'd, currently; kind of spoilery for "Faith"--this is a mid-ep moment 

Author’s Notes:  I totally owe the wonderful [](http://joyfulgirl41.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://joyfulgirl41.livejournal.com/) **joyfulgirl41** 's  "It always seemed like a good idea at the time" (there's a link here somewhere, it tells me) for the inspiration to read Neruda.  Oh my god, I am totally Neruda's bitch right now.   
 **DISCLAIMER** , I do not own these characters, etc., etc.  


 

  


**Three days**

 

**The first day (Anxiety)**

 

_Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because—_

_because—I don’t know how to say it:a day is long_

_and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station_

_when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep._

__

_Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because_

_then the little drops of anguish will all run together,_

_the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift_

_into me, choking my lost heart._

__

_Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;_

_may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance._

_Don’t leave me for a second, my dearest,_

__

_because in that moment you’ll have gone so far_

_I’ll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,_

_Will you come back?Will you leave me here, dying?_

__

_\--Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XLV_

   


One of the nurses was still a student or something.When Sam left the hospital, and left me alone, one of the nurses came in and brought me a book.I was restless.“You should try to get some sleep,” she said.“Reading this stuff always knocks me right out.”She smiled then, and left me alone, again. When I got sick of flipping the channels, I think I only got through three or four pages before I was out like a light.But I didn’t sleep long.I woke up and read a few more pages several times through the night.It’s not like I had anywhere I had to be in the morning.

 

***

 

**The second day (Anger)**

 

_I do not love you—except because I love you;_

_I go from loving to not loving you,_

_from waiting to not waiting for you_

_my heart moves from the cold into_

__

_the fire.I love you only because it’s you_

_I love; I hate you no end, and hating you_

_bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you_

_is that I do not see you but love you_

__

_blindly.Maybe the January light will consume_

_my heart with its cruel_

_ray, stealing my key to true_

__

_calm.In this part of the story I am the one who_

_dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,_

_because I love you, Love, in fire and in blood._

__

_\--Pablo Neruda, Sonnet LXVI_

 

Sam came and went three times today.I could tell that he didn’t sleep last night either, and his constant watching of the monitors was making me crazy.I made him leave each time, and made him promise to sleep, or eat, or something, just to get him out of my hair.I love my brother, but if I had to listen to him talk about medical options or other things to consider, I was going to have to kill him.

 

***

 

**The third day (Acceptance)**

 

_When I die, I want your hands on my eyes;_

_I want the light and wheat of your beloved hands_

_to pass their freshness over me once more:_

_I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny._

__

_I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep._

_I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you_

_to sniff the sea’s aroma that we loved together,_

_to continue to walk on the sand we walk on._

__

_I want what I love to live,_

_and you whom I love and sang above everything else_

_to continue to flourish, full-flowered:_

__

_so that you can reach everything my love directs you to,_

_so that my shadow can travel along in your hair,_

_so that everything can learn the reason for my song._

__

_\--Pablo Neruda, Sonnet LXXXIX_

 

I am going to die.I have come to terms with that.When I said that to Sam the day of the accident, it was more for his benefit, really.But now I’ve had a couple days for it to sink in.I have lain in this bed, and watched the nurses through the glass, and read this book.I don’t want to do it any more. I don’t want Sam to watch me fade in this hospital.There is nothing they can do, anyway.I love my brother, and that’s where I should be when I die.And with that, I left.

 

 

 

 **NOTE** :  _always_ credit your sources.  ;)

 

Neruda, Pablo.  1986.  100 love sonnets/Cien sonetos de amor.  Translated by Stephen Tapscott.  University of Texas Press.  Austin.


End file.
